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Contemplating Metta, I consider the space between people. There are moments, when we are both calm and receptive, when I can really feel and begin to understand the space between my partner and I. In these moments, I feel, wisdom is born. I can really FEEL it. I have to emphasize that word FEEL because it is there and it is tangible. A beautiful thing. I want to reach out and touch it. Rather than being simply a space between us, it is a 'something' that joins us closer. A connection. There are times when we seem to think the same thoughts and say the same things almost instantaneously. Surprising and exciting as these moments are, they don't come close to these moments when we sit quietly, move out of ourselves and into this space between us.
This is what I search for in my life. I'm fed up of space. Space between myself and others. I yearn for this connection. And where have I found it? In that very space where I least expected to find it, the space between myself and others. Suddenly that great chasm becomes the connection, the thing to be protected and understood.
These moments are so special because it is in these moments that this space between us becomes tangible and actually becomes more important than the me, the I. In these moments, I forget who I am, and remember who WE are. I could live here, in this space, if I only had the self discipline and the ability to let go of the 'I' fully.
I believe that if we as human beings pay attention to this space between us, seeking to simply connect, letting go of ourselves and focussing on just this, then Metta, that universal love that we all strive for, grows. When two people come together, if either are thinking or behaving in an unskilful way, maybe with selfishness, anger or even a feeling of competitiveness then the space between those two people will be just that. A space between. A space, bigger than anything we can imagine. But, if we behave skilfully then we start to perceive something there. Not something imagined but a real 'something'. Even with our humble five senses (plus the sixth of course, the mind) we can detect that space and the nature of it.
The more I let go of 'self', let go of my own ego and become aware of that interdependence between us all, the more tangible that space becomes. It is most tangible when we simply sit quietly with each other. Experiencing each other without saying or doing anything.
This space between us is to be nurtured and protected. Not just between our nearest and dearest but with all people we meet. I think this is the way we should be with all people and I think this was the Buddha's message along with many other prophets and sages down the ages. This is the toughest of all challenges. To stay in that space between. To not retreat into ourselves and our own ego's. That is the challenge that spirituality sets us.
However, the good news I believe? Even if just one person is pushing to connect in this way I believe there is progress. We work on extremely subtle levels us humans. There is nothing mysterious or psychic going on here, I don't believe. Merely the miracle of humans communicating. As long as one person is looking to connect, to develop that space between, then that deep, unconscious, communication comes into its own. Change then happens. The other person then has a choice. To accept the telephone call or otherwise. That's their choice.
So where am I going with my ramblings here? I think E.M Forster summed it up when he said 'Only Connect'.
That's our job. As Buddhists, as human beings actually. To connect with each other and to develop that space between us.
The Buddhist rule book seems to say 'let go of self', 'let go of ego'. But I still WANT to develop something. I think I've found it. I want to develop that space between me and other people.
After all, what else is there?
Andy Spragg is an experienced Tai Chi instructor with 17 years of teachning experience. Andy is the owner of Re-Vitalise, a company specialising in weekend breaks and retreats in Tai Chi and meditation. These are full board retreats held in tranquil locations throughout the UK.
Andy is a Buddhist and focusses on the synergy between Tai Chi and Buddhist meditation in his teaching.
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